Something Sensational to Read on the Train

Synopsis: This is a diary packed with famous names and extraordinary stories. It is also rich in incidental detail and wonderful observation, providing both a compelling record of five remarkable decades and a revealing, often hilarious and sometimes moving account of Gyles Brandreth's unusual life -- as a child living in London in the 'swinging' sixties, as a jumper-wearing TV presenter, as an MP and government whip, and as a royal biographer who has enjoyed unique access to the Queen and her family. Something Sensational to Read on the Train takes the reader on a roller-coaster ride from the era of Dixon of Dock Green to the age of The X Factor, from the end of the farthing to the arrival of the euro, from the Britain of Harold Macmillan and the Notting Hill race riots to the world of Barack Obama and Lewis Hamilton. With a cast list that runs from Richard Nixon and Richard Branson to Gordon Brown and David Cameron -- and includes princes, presidents and pop stars, as well as three archbishops and any number of actresses -- this is a book for anyone interested in contemporary history, politics and entertainment, royalty, gossip and life itself.

Review: I've never particularly liked Gyles, he just doesn't appeal and more often than not when you see him on TV the word that comes to mind is 'irritating' but, I've enjoyed his novels so when I saw this at the library I thought I'd dip in. I'm glad I did because it's an insight into a world that's so completely unlike my own it's fascinating. To say that he's an obsessive diarist is an understatement, since childhood he has kept a daily diary (plus a private diary) along with carefully collated archives of notices, reviews, letters, articles etc, and what we have here is only about a fiftieth of that material (and this is quite a large tome.)

His jobs, and therefore his diaries, have been so varied (he once did a book signing tour for his publishers dressed as Snoopy to promote Snoopy's first foray into fiction, apparently the public went mad for him much to the annoyance of other book signing celebrities) and he has a lively, chatty, gossipy style.

The book is littered with anecdotes, especially of the great actors such as Gielgud, Richardson and Redgrave (Gyles collects them), he had aspirations once to be an actor and performed in several plays but somehow he knew he'd never be great and if Gyles can't be the best at something then he's not really interested (he is godfather to several children but he freely admits he's a terrible godparent he simply isn't interested.) He has produced lots of plays, written many, many books, opened a teddy bear museum in Stratford (which housed the original Fozzie Bear and also at one point Tony Blairs teddy) and of course been an elected Tory minister. He also bizarrely was once best known for his enormous collection of knitted jumpers (there was even a book with various celebs wearing them.)

The book is split into six parts: Schoolboy, Child of the Sixties - Man of the Seventies, Husband and Father, Under the Jumper, Member of Parliament and After the Fall. The part documenting his time as Tory MP for Chester is an eye opener, it turns out that 'Yes Minister' was more true to life than you might think. Probably it will only really be of interest to people in the UK because so much of the book deals with British TV/cinema/showbiz and politics etc. He's fairly indiscreet, I winced at a lot of his observations (Princess Diana) 'I thought (ungallantly) her skin had rather gone to pot: a sort of light pebble-dash effect on her beaky nose' .. (Barbara Cartland) 'she looked like a very old version of the sugar plum fairy' .. (Elizabeth Taylor) 'she has no presence, she is overweight and underwhelming'.

I think his childhood interested me the most, he lived in London and went to Bedales boarding school before gaining entrance to Oxford, life was a succession of theatre, cinema, restaurants and travelling abroad. He probably had seen more plays by the time he was fourteen than I have in my whole lifetime .. miles more infact.

A couple of typical entries below:

Sunday, 14 August 1960: Staying with the Paices in Dusseldorf. I have found a copy of Lolita by Vladimar Nabakov in my bedroom and I am reading it. It is about an old man who falls in love with a girl who is 12. I am 12. Interesting. 'Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo-Lee-Ta.'!!!

Saturday 15 July 1972: (at Gyles' first cabaret booking in Dorset)... to cut to the chase: I spent the evening in my room, with my stomach churning. I had prepared an 'act', but I had not performed it out loud before. At around 9.30 pm. I went down to the dining room. Fred the spoons was on - and wowing them. With each succeeding number they loved him even more. And when he reached his finale - during which he played empty Coca Cola bottles - they simply went wild. When he'd finished, he introduced me. I went on - in silence, to silence. Or rather, to the sound of cutlery on china and the murmur of conversation. The diners looked up at me briefly and then turned back to their plates and carried on eating. My throat was dry, my heart was thumping. I stood on the tiny stage gazing out at the sea of heads bent over their dinners and began my act. To say that 'I died' would be an exaggeration since I made no impact whatsoever. The business of the dining room continued as though I was not there. I was terrible, of course - I lost my nerve, I lost my way, I gabbled my way through my material. When I got to the end I stood on my head - yes, I stood on my head on a tiny dais in the corner of this cramped and crowded dining room and NOBODY NOTICED. Waitresses passed in front of me, customers paid their bills and went on their way. I left the stage in silence.

Monday, 2 November 1981: I travelled down to the Penguin sales conference at the Saunton Sands Hotel, near Barnstaple, with Roald Dahl. He was not easy company. I think he likes to give off an air of menace. He sat, curled up, scowling in the corner of our railway compartment. He didn't read. He seemed to want to talk, but his conversation was awkward, random. He did tell me his idea for the perfect murder. The victim is bludgeoned to death with a frozen leg of lamb. The murderer then cooks the lamb and serves it to the police when they come calling - so getting rid of the evidence. He has a wonderful imagination but a somewhat alarming manner.

Great fun in places and even though Gyles' self interest is breathtaking there's something about the way he writes that makes him able to get away with stuff that would make other people seem insufferable. Quite outrageous and rude at times (he was once lewdly propositioned by Frankie Howerd .. and he seemed almost sorry that he couldn't accomodate him) but immensely readable. He's nicked the title of course from Gwendolen in Oscar Wilde's 'The Importance of being Earnest' .. Oscar being another of GB's favourite subjects.